"Psychology fever"

To be sincere, I am in the state of dilemma between love and hatred for psychology posting. I love psychology field because it is not simply sains and facts that can be proved scientifically but now we are dealing with human mind and behaviour. It is something very new yet very familiar. It is the learning of our own self mind and behaviour that started to build since young. It is the learned behaviour and thinking that map the person out. The first contact and exposure do played vital role. We look at the factors why family upbringing is important and so on. Indeed, the true has told us that the family do influence the children and later on the adult and until death, from womb to tomb. For example, most of schizoprenia patient has family broke up.

And at the same time, I managed to take this opputunity discover the God's wonderful creations. This posting remind me of the doubt that seeded in my thought long ago. That what does the "seed of wisdom" stated in the Bible really mean? And why does the God prohibit Adam and Eve from having it. In this current era, the wisdom is the key where development and civilisation could happen from one stage progressing to another. Thereby, how could God prohibit Adam and Eve from discovery new thing and knowledge.

Or perhaps, there is another meaning behind for "seed of wisdom". I am not dare to challenge it. But, some people would translate it as the sexual practice which i am not so agree with. I think sexual practice is a very holy "ritual" that keep the generation going. However, we human being are abusing sexual practice. People are thinking of other method to increase the sexual pleasure which is actually not the true gift from God. Therefore, more problems are arised when the concern is deviated from true meaning of sexual practice.

After i explore the mind of schizoprenia patient, i could sense that many things in this world are not discovered yet. We, human being are losing tract for the discovery of true meaning of "wisdom". Do we really need to invent so many technology and theory???Can we go back to the place where we belong??

Knowing her...

Knowing someone is hard for me. I do not know why it could be like this. Maybe i have be socially isolation for so many years and lead to inattentiveness and less alertness. Or, maybe this is the same old excuse that i kept giving to myself for not improving myself.
Today, when she ask me how far i have known her. I hardly come out a word. My brain become blank and could not think out a thing to tell her. All i can remember is the time i spend with her. That's all and that's it. Of course, i can not deny that, i have feeling for her as well when refreshing the good memory. But i do not want to disclose it to her as it is very disappointing for her.
I need to become more observant and caring in order not to meet the no return route or it is too late.

Nia Nia

From the first sight when i saw u, i have already knew that you were that kind of girl that was very innocent,special and cute. Do not misinterpret me when i say innocent... I am not searching prey out there to satisfy my desires. I think this is the type of girl i am looking for in my life.
There are a lot of girls out there but none of them are comparable to this girl. She is like angel that send by God to keep my faith and love strong. The time fly in my life, starting from a kid to now a young adult. When i look back, i was really a dumb and inactive one. I am a shy and low profile person in my group of friends (although the number is limited), but i am still the most timid one. I found that reading is the only way that i do not have to encounter human, fear, shame, and ugliness. I spent my time at the corner of a classroom to read, read and read. And, as a student, being hard-working is nothing wrong and some times i do got the credit from my friends, teachers and even headmaster.
After i passed my SPM examination, i could not get a place into matriculation. My life has started to become worse. I was sent to Taiping for pursuing my Form 6 study. I could not disagree that initially during the orientation period, the pleasure of being in a stranger place is good. But, slowly and slowly, my friends are leaving me and at last i have to stay in an empty house all by myself. An empty house was just too big for me. My life was terrible.
Luckily i still got a good friend, Yee Ling, she was the best at that moment. She would accompany me during school and lunch time. My life would definitely worse if she was not prepare for me by God. That was the story before lunch.
Soon after lunch, as she went back to her house, and leave me no choice but to go "home". I was totally alone and out of the world. Reading had become meaningless to me. My motive to study was vanished. At the same time, i was so reluctant to go out from the "home" to meet new friends. So, i sleep, and sleep and sleep. I was depressed and kept blaming why i was like this. I went out for dinner all by myself every night and have TV to be my soul mate. Standing at the balcony to watch people has become my habit or more accurately, hobby. I would eventually felt sad and jealous overwhelming when i saw happy families walking passed by. I cry and sob for each every night before i feel asleep. And so, it has become my second hobby as well. I could had a night without tears wetting my eyes.
Then, I started to pray each day before I slept. The God love is so wonderful, miraculous, and strong. After 6 months of suffering, almost 180 days of tearful night, my life has twist. There are miracles that happen to me and let me stay with my sister in Bukit Mertajam to study . Since then, I has become more like "human".
The start off point to love God, Jesus, is so firm. And, my faith is then started to grow and glow. I can feel that I am continously blessed by Father, The Heavenly God, and Son, Jesus. I love You.

exam "weak"

I, as a medical student always feel miserable when the exam fever is came. Never am i finished my revision for every exam since first year. I sometimes wonder whether the problem is arised from me, syllabus, lecturer, environment, references, college, exam format or luck. For every examination, which include the end of posting test, i have given my very best. But still, the outcome is poor. My motive of doing good is not motivated by the result (we, only in our college, the result is only accessible by administrative/academic officer). Instead, my aims is just simply to please my lecturers so that our college is not notable at the bottom line.

I desperately needing help for my study to meet my lovely, caring lecturer's (credit go to Dato G especially) target and expectation. Another long case examination (surgery) has passed. I am still not capable of organising my flow of thought and knowledge, perhaps i should do an EEG to detect is there any inter connection between my brain hemispheres.

I feel sad, depress, embarass for not performing up to the level my lecturer expected me to be. The feel of guilt is gush in my vein. I pray, and pray for forgiveness.

Why?why?my memory capacity is so limited. A breakthrough for my problem is all i needed as i am not afford to fail in my professional exam that is just around the corner.