Nia Nia

From the first sight when i saw u, i have already knew that you were that kind of girl that was very innocent,special and cute. Do not misinterpret me when i say innocent... I am not searching prey out there to satisfy my desires. I think this is the type of girl i am looking for in my life.
There are a lot of girls out there but none of them are comparable to this girl. She is like angel that send by God to keep my faith and love strong. The time fly in my life, starting from a kid to now a young adult. When i look back, i was really a dumb and inactive one. I am a shy and low profile person in my group of friends (although the number is limited), but i am still the most timid one. I found that reading is the only way that i do not have to encounter human, fear, shame, and ugliness. I spent my time at the corner of a classroom to read, read and read. And, as a student, being hard-working is nothing wrong and some times i do got the credit from my friends, teachers and even headmaster.
After i passed my SPM examination, i could not get a place into matriculation. My life has started to become worse. I was sent to Taiping for pursuing my Form 6 study. I could not disagree that initially during the orientation period, the pleasure of being in a stranger place is good. But, slowly and slowly, my friends are leaving me and at last i have to stay in an empty house all by myself. An empty house was just too big for me. My life was terrible.
Luckily i still got a good friend, Yee Ling, she was the best at that moment. She would accompany me during school and lunch time. My life would definitely worse if she was not prepare for me by God. That was the story before lunch.
Soon after lunch, as she went back to her house, and leave me no choice but to go "home". I was totally alone and out of the world. Reading had become meaningless to me. My motive to study was vanished. At the same time, i was so reluctant to go out from the "home" to meet new friends. So, i sleep, and sleep and sleep. I was depressed and kept blaming why i was like this. I went out for dinner all by myself every night and have TV to be my soul mate. Standing at the balcony to watch people has become my habit or more accurately, hobby. I would eventually felt sad and jealous overwhelming when i saw happy families walking passed by. I cry and sob for each every night before i feel asleep. And so, it has become my second hobby as well. I could had a night without tears wetting my eyes.
Then, I started to pray each day before I slept. The God love is so wonderful, miraculous, and strong. After 6 months of suffering, almost 180 days of tearful night, my life has twist. There are miracles that happen to me and let me stay with my sister in Bukit Mertajam to study . Since then, I has become more like "human".
The start off point to love God, Jesus, is so firm. And, my faith is then started to grow and glow. I can feel that I am continously blessed by Father, The Heavenly God, and Son, Jesus. I love You.

exam "weak"

I, as a medical student always feel miserable when the exam fever is came. Never am i finished my revision for every exam since first year. I sometimes wonder whether the problem is arised from me, syllabus, lecturer, environment, references, college, exam format or luck. For every examination, which include the end of posting test, i have given my very best. But still, the outcome is poor. My motive of doing good is not motivated by the result (we, only in our college, the result is only accessible by administrative/academic officer). Instead, my aims is just simply to please my lecturers so that our college is not notable at the bottom line.

I desperately needing help for my study to meet my lovely, caring lecturer's (credit go to Dato G especially) target and expectation. Another long case examination (surgery) has passed. I am still not capable of organising my flow of thought and knowledge, perhaps i should do an EEG to detect is there any inter connection between my brain hemispheres.

I feel sad, depress, embarass for not performing up to the level my lecturer expected me to be. The feel of guilt is gush in my vein. I pray, and pray for forgiveness.

Why?why?my memory capacity is so limited. A breakthrough for my problem is all i needed as i am not afford to fail in my professional exam that is just around the corner.