Knowing her...

Knowing someone is hard for me. I do not know why it could be like this. Maybe i have be socially isolation for so many years and lead to inattentiveness and less alertness. Or, maybe this is the same old excuse that i kept giving to myself for not improving myself.
Today, when she ask me how far i have known her. I hardly come out a word. My brain become blank and could not think out a thing to tell her. All i can remember is the time i spend with her. That's all and that's it. Of course, i can not deny that, i have feeling for her as well when refreshing the good memory. But i do not want to disclose it to her as it is very disappointing for her.
I need to become more observant and caring in order not to meet the no return route or it is too late.